Speak

Friday, April 29, 2005

Even before the game started I was feeling jittery yet excited, kinda as if I was the one who's waiting to play. I never thought I could feel like that for another team, not even my juniors. And I've never cheered so hard before in my entire 17 years of existence! I was screaming my head off my lungs out (as with the rest of the girls' team) and it didn't really help that I was drowning in my thick-impermeable-fireproofed-waterproofed-inelastic-double insulated-oven of a uniform. I was sweating like a cow lah! (do cows sweat?) Guess what, me and Ying are convinced that we have the makings of a potential cheerleader! And I regret not being more actively participative during the the J1 Orientation because I realised the only cheers I know are "Kebaba" and "Hwachong Hwachong *clap clap*", which are like, not the most fantastic and motivational cheers anyone could cheer. [So, the most important thing a potential cheerleader should do: learn all the HC cheers by heart].

Watching the guys play today really made me very glad to be part of the HC vball team. They played like there was no tomorrow - nothing was withheld, they gave their all. I was so proud of them! But at the same time ashamed of myself. They fought for what they wanted, I didn't.

The worst feeling in the world is regret. Seriously.

I made a pact with Cheryl, right there, right then. I remember exactly what I said. And I'm gonna keep my word.

writing at 5:26 PM

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Recently, I find my attention span shortening at an alarming rate (that is, if it's even in existence), and the ability to stay sober/awake seems to be diminishing. During lectures especially, I find my mind wandering elsewhere(mostly dreamland), mulling about everything else other than what I'm supposed to be otherwise engrossed in intelligent conversations with my classmates about.

I think I'm suffering from chronic sleep deficiency. Maybe because its the season of competition, the season of sportsmanship, the burning of passion, the hunger for gold, where competitors pitch themselves against each other in a bid for recognition, of glory in abundance on the podium. It's a physically and mentally draining process no doubt, but when you reach the end, everything will be worth it.

Anyways, back from digression to my problem.

I tried, I really did, to resist slumber and push out distracting thoughts which keep barging into my brain space. I really want to absorb everything the lecturer says like a sponge soaking moisture, but it didn't really help that the lecturer (specifically referring to the subject which deals with titrations) was talking in a monotone voice. It sounded as if every succession of words she uttered was in a single key, every word was as if chained to each other, creating a single musical note which seemed to stretch forever, if you get what I mean. It goes in one ear and then slips out the other.

Suddenly this weird image popped into my mind. Every word that the lecturer says is like a live fish in a basketful of fishes. You try to catch one, but when you thought you've had it tightly clenched in your hands it does a little wriggle and slithers away again.

Sometimes I think teachers/lecturers/tutors/ or whichever form they come in, are overtly self-satisfied beings (not all though). As if their knowledge in their respective domains gives them the right to put down everyone who "hath naught what thou possesses". Like, with their self-asserted power they assume everything they do is right, all others wrong. I find it a very annoying/disgusting/repulsive/add-in-any-irritative-words trait. It totally puts me off. Who gave you the right to decide which is the correct way to live my life. I'm gonna wipe that condescending look off your face with my A1 next next year. Just you wait.

Okay enough of angst, and back to my digression topic... I am looking forward to feeling the pump of adrenaline, the roar of the crowds, the flood of spotlights, the speed and intensity of quality play, honourable sportsmanship, and finally, heads held high in victory~!. :D

writing at 7:25 PM

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Recently, I think the Law of Diminishing Returns is setting in for me (referring to my shoulder injury). [LDR states that as more and more units of variable factor are added to an unchanged amt of fixed factor, the extra output may initially rise but eventually fall]

Seems like the more Salonpas medicated plaster ("for relief of muscular and joint pains") I paste on, the worse it gets? And the constant pasting and peeling off the plaster has perpetually removed all of what little amount of hair there is (or was) on my shoulder, leaving a red and bald patch. Like a baboon's ass. (I suddenly feel glad that I'm no longer wearing my secondary school uniform)

Actually I don't mind the baboon ass part, 'cause its just uncomfort and pain on the superficial surface. It's what's unseeen inside that's worrying me.

So, I've decided to heed the various advices given to me and rest more. Even at this crucial time and tide.

My personal goal lies not in the present, but in the future.

“休息是走更长的路。:)” *

*view using Unicode.

writing at 8:51 PM

Saturday, April 02, 2005

There's always an element of fear in change. Majority of us would (us, being the typical human) choose to remain in a sea of familiarity than to step out of that comfort zone.

I chose to step into the wilderness. It took alot of planning and considerations, and a little bit of courage. And now, I need all the determination and skills in the world to adapt.

It's hard, especially when there's nothing to bond or bind you to your new environment. Makes me float aimlessly around like a balloon which is not being tied down. The balloon floats about, pushed by the wind, different places at different times, no strings attached(pun intended).

And I do miss being around people I know, whom I can really talk to without being someone else. People I can talk to about anything at all. (I remember teaching a guy friend in my ex class about pantyliners because he chanced upon one while flipping through my wallet. And my guy seniors know all about the different types of sanitary pads available in the market? [if u read this u know who u are!] haha)

Aye being in a foreign land is difficult 'cause of the differences and all. People are already more or less hardened in the konnyaku jelly mould... Its hard for me to be assimilated because they are already agglutinated and clumped together. You know? (hehh maybe u'll undstd better if ur a bio student :p)

Well, maybe everybody needs a little bit more time I guess.

I hope.

writing at 11:37 PM