Saturday, May 29, 2004
I changed my blog template. Its a teeny weeny bit childish lah, but I like it.
And guess what? Theres a a new feature I ve added! A cartoon column.
At this point in time, I have a confession to make: my artistic standards and talent (if its existent at all) had remained stagnant and ceased to develop since my primary 1 days. So naturally the things I draw are not that fantastic. So stop complaining.
I finally did it - I cycled to school. I left my house at 6.15am and it was still very dark outside. My heart was pounding when I cycled across the flyover while the cars zoomed past me. I was so afraid they wont see me and my bike, esp since the sun s not up yet and I m not exactly very fair. Anyways, it feels good to have the cool morning air blowin on ur face; the only thing I miscalculated is cycling up 6th Avenue. I forgot the existence of the slopes. I almost died from overdose of lactic acid in my legs.
i played soccer every recess the whole of this week! recently my sch organised this inter class soccer challenge thing. bet they organised it to help us relax after midyears and make sure we dun have mental breakdown or sth.
anyways, soccer's fun! and girl's soccer is so much funner! got alot alot of handballs, grabbing, pushing, shoving, screaming, loser-kicks and fun! i had the most laughs when i'm stuck with 5 players cloggin together jus to get the ball. alot of legs entwining and shin-kicking, but it's worth it.
my class made it to semi f, but eventually got 4th lah. but nvms, its the effort that counts, and the process that really matters! really had fun doin those team-talks and strategy plannin and laughin and playin together. no matter what, 4/8 i love u! we rocked and we still rock!
hey and guess what, i'm playin in the all-stars league tmr! so exciting! hopefully we can beat the champion class together~ :D waha
i've been living in self denial for as long as i can rmb. i can tell myself its alright u gotta move on, cus if u dun start lookin forward you will never move forward, chunli.
i want so much to believe that tmr will be a better day, that with perserverance and determination, with hardwork and enough sweat and blood, i can get back on my feet again. i want so much more to believe that a fall will just be a fall, nothing but an injury which i can recover from.
i try to convince myself i can glue back the broken pieces of what initially was the pretty vase - my dream. but all for what? it'd never be the same again. it'd never be pretty again with all the crack lines even if one day i managed to piece it back. at first i was running with the pretty dream vase in my hand, on my way to the highest mountain, but i tripped, and i fell. i fell hard. and i lost grip of that vase. it smashed to the ground, into a thousand million pieces.
it was so different this time. i have no one to turn to, really. i was alone in the race, running my final lap, and just as i was about to cross the finishing line first, my opponent beat me to it. what hurt all the more was that the opponent was my friend. a friend i held closely.
its impossible to undstd how much it hurt to see sth u have believed in all ur life, something you've worked so hard for, putting in your heart and soul, just destroyed right in front of u. it was my first love, my passion, my life, my hope, my dream. it really hurt.
i want to forget that fall and move onwards and have other dream vases, but i can't. i tell myself to let go, but i can't. i tell myself its only part and parcel of life, to experience failure, there's sunshine after the rain. but i'm jus kiddin myself. every injury leaves behind a scar that will follow u for life.
i am so alone in this pain. every single day i put on a brave front in the presence of my friends, my family just because i don't want them to worry about me, because i want them to think i'm okay. the sadness was so immense, it seemed as though it'd never go away. do you know how much it hurt? to work so hard for something, yet in the end come to naught? i want so much to believe its only a dream, that i can wake up and everything will be okay. if only.
i thought i was strong, and i still think i am. i've never even shed a tear after other failures, but this had unblocked that torrent of a river which i thought all along was under control. i hate to think of myself crying, much less be seen crying. so many times in sch, sitting beside friends, during trainings, watchin tv at home with my parents arnd, i felt the tears welling but i swallowed them back. the only times where i had really allowed the tears to freely flow is in the shower, and in the dark on my bed into my pillow. at least pillows and bathrooms dun laugh at me or call me a cry baby.
i want to believe that tmr will be a better day. that time will heal all wounds. but so many tomorrows had passed and i still can't feel the pain subsiding.
when will tomorrow really come?
at the funeral i was helpin my uncle fill in a form for the funeral admin stuff, and my little 8 year old cousin Joey was curiously watchin me fill in.. she was readin the stuff like "name", "birth date" "address" aloud, until she came to "place of wake/funeral". she stopped and stared at me with a totally a shocked face and said: "ah-ma hui4 xing3 lai2 ah?! (english: she will wake up ah?!)" at this point i can't help but laugh and explain to her its a noun, not a verb. ahaha so ke ai~
later in the evenin i came home from the funeral and got flashed at by my neighbour! he jus finished his shower and stood there laughing and did the ultra man action at me. ahaha he's jus 6 years old and his name's calvin. ha then his little brother nicholas also came running out in his underwear and power-rangered me. ahaha i pretended to cover my eyes and scream while they did their ultra man and power ranger and laughed at me~ sounds perverse, but heys, in the name of childhood innocence, who cares. :P
anyways so after that we scooted off to PS for our movie marathon. we caught Troy. and i like Hector! he's courageous and upright, and lives by 3 rules: honour the gods, love his wife, and defend his country. so sehhh! and i'm sorry to say this, but i think paris is a coward-cum-loser. anyways, so after that straight away we went into the cinema for Shrek 2. T'was funny, but i think the first Shrek was better. oh and today was the first time in my entire life of movie-watching history to be caught for smugglin food into the cinema. aha actually its not me, mich and cheryl's food got confiscated, and they had to redeem them back using movie ticket butts. cool.
so the next crazy thing i did today was dye my hair violet! me and shanny went over wei shyuan's house, spread newspaper around, and started dyeing! by then it was night time around 8pm liao, so while waitin for the dye to set i fell asleep. anyways, main point is, i've got violet hair~ :D
man i can't believe i did those things. and i'm gonna climb Mt K in June!
From what my mother told me she had a bad slip in the toilet one day a long time ago, fractured her hip bone, but she refused to be operated on. She lost her ability to walk, and i think she was almost 80 years old then. She required help even for basic actions and needed a person to be there all the time to assist her, but no one in my maternal side of the family had the time to take care of her, forthwith she was sent to an old folk's home.
Although my family only sees her once a year, it always brings tears to my mother's eyes to see her grandmother on the bed. These few years she could not even recognise us anymore. I really don't know what to feel abt this, death cld be a source of freedom for her, but before that she didn't have the chance to know God...
anyways, i feel good today becus i helped somebody. i was at the empty sixth ave bus stop waiting alone for 156 after eating Venezia, and i was getting irritated and annoyed at havin to wait so long for the bus. Suddenly i saw a small little chs boy running from the distance (abt 80m away from the bus stop) cross junction towards the bus stop and at the same time i saw the bus 970 coming. at this point of time, my mind concluded that the little chs boy is runnin for the bus, but being trained in innovations and creativity, my mind also told me that the small little chs boy won't make it if nobody flags the bus. yepps so i flagged the bus for him, and had the bus uncle gimme an irritated look when i didnt board, and the small little chs boy who boarded the bus didnt even smile or say thank you. but nvms, main point is i helped somebody. and it feels gooood.
anyways me and ly decided to plan sth alittle different from the past years.. to have them exchange welcome gifts. its easy to think of ideas, but the difficult part is actually gettin my sec 1 girls to do it. ahahaha but i succeeded! ystday i had them gathered, then used a very formal tone to explain to them, that this tradition (of exchanging gifts) has been around ever since vball has been established in the sch. at first their responses were like: "eeeeew! no way!". but as a trained expert in psychology, i can see that under that cover of disgust, they are actually quite excited abt it(man i hope none of my sec 1s happen to read my blog). anyways i was expectin them to do only some little cards or folded origami or those usual girlie stuff lah, but what they did totally awed me.
they actually laboriously wrapped an assortment of chocolates (sneakers, ferrero roche, etc) in a nice blue coloured cloth-paper, with a ribbon on top. and each had a name of the sec 1 chs vballer's name at the base. talk about thoughtfulness. so the chs sec 1s did stuff for them too, and i caught glimpses of coloured pens, pencil cases, cards, and the likes of it. hmmm as they said, cannot compare boys and girls like that.. well i guess its the thought that counts.
so after this newly integrated activity, it was back to whacko. good ol' whacko. some things just never change. :D
bananas of the world unite!
peel banana peel peel banana!
somewhere over the rainbow way up high..
over the hills and faraway, teletubbies come to play.
ahhhh i'm losing my sanity~
so i'm gonna make a difference this year. one fine day, i'm gonna hitch on that bike and cycle to school.
i mean, its not impossible what. west coast and bukit timah is not exactly very far apart.. i guess it'll probably take me around half an hour?
after 3 years of planning and research, this is my decided route: i'll set off from home, cycle along clementi ave 6, turn into ulu pandan road and cycle straight until i reach 6th Ave, then go down the hill and cycle out into Upper Bt Timah. And i'll be at my destination already.
So, yesss! I'm gonna make that dream a reality. I am going to overcome all obstacles, to go against all odds, and i will succeed! Soon.
I changed my blog template. Its a teeny weeny bit childish lah, but I like it.
And guess what? Theres a a new feature I ve added! A cartoon column.
At this point in time, I have a confession to make: my artistic standards and talent (if its existent at all) had remained stagnant and ceased to develop since my primary 1 days. So naturally the things I draw are not that fantastic. So stop complaining.
I finally did it - I cycled to school. I left my house at 6.15am and it was still very dark outside. My heart was pounding when I cycled across the flyover while the cars zoomed past me. I was so afraid they wont see me and my bike, esp since the sun s not up yet and I m not exactly very fair. Anyways, it feels good to have the cool morning air blowin on ur face; the only thing I miscalculated is cycling up 6th Avenue. I forgot the existence of the slopes. I almost died from overdose of lactic acid in my legs.
writing at 10:28 PM
Thursday, May 27, 2004
i played soccer every recess the whole of this week! recently my sch organised this inter class soccer challenge thing. bet they organised it to help us relax after midyears and make sure we dun have mental breakdown or sth.
anyways, soccer's fun! and girl's soccer is so much funner! got alot alot of handballs, grabbing, pushing, shoving, screaming, loser-kicks and fun! i had the most laughs when i'm stuck with 5 players cloggin together jus to get the ball. alot of legs entwining and shin-kicking, but it's worth it.
my class made it to semi f, but eventually got 4th lah. but nvms, its the effort that counts, and the process that really matters! really had fun doin those team-talks and strategy plannin and laughin and playin together. no matter what, 4/8 i love u! we rocked and we still rock!
hey and guess what, i'm playin in the all-stars league tmr! so exciting! hopefully we can beat the champion class together~ :D waha
writing at 9:19 PM
Monday, May 24, 2004
i've been living in self denial for as long as i can rmb. i can tell myself its alright u gotta move on, cus if u dun start lookin forward you will never move forward, chunli.
i want so much to believe that tmr will be a better day, that with perserverance and determination, with hardwork and enough sweat and blood, i can get back on my feet again. i want so much more to believe that a fall will just be a fall, nothing but an injury which i can recover from.
i try to convince myself i can glue back the broken pieces of what initially was the pretty vase - my dream. but all for what? it'd never be the same again. it'd never be pretty again with all the crack lines even if one day i managed to piece it back. at first i was running with the pretty dream vase in my hand, on my way to the highest mountain, but i tripped, and i fell. i fell hard. and i lost grip of that vase. it smashed to the ground, into a thousand million pieces.
it was so different this time. i have no one to turn to, really. i was alone in the race, running my final lap, and just as i was about to cross the finishing line first, my opponent beat me to it. what hurt all the more was that the opponent was my friend. a friend i held closely.
its impossible to undstd how much it hurt to see sth u have believed in all ur life, something you've worked so hard for, putting in your heart and soul, just destroyed right in front of u. it was my first love, my passion, my life, my hope, my dream. it really hurt.
i want to forget that fall and move onwards and have other dream vases, but i can't. i tell myself to let go, but i can't. i tell myself its only part and parcel of life, to experience failure, there's sunshine after the rain. but i'm jus kiddin myself. every injury leaves behind a scar that will follow u for life.
i am so alone in this pain. every single day i put on a brave front in the presence of my friends, my family just because i don't want them to worry about me, because i want them to think i'm okay. the sadness was so immense, it seemed as though it'd never go away. do you know how much it hurt? to work so hard for something, yet in the end come to naught? i want so much to believe its only a dream, that i can wake up and everything will be okay. if only.
i thought i was strong, and i still think i am. i've never even shed a tear after other failures, but this had unblocked that torrent of a river which i thought all along was under control. i hate to think of myself crying, much less be seen crying. so many times in sch, sitting beside friends, during trainings, watchin tv at home with my parents arnd, i felt the tears welling but i swallowed them back. the only times where i had really allowed the tears to freely flow is in the shower, and in the dark on my bed into my pillow. at least pillows and bathrooms dun laugh at me or call me a cry baby.
i want to believe that tmr will be a better day. that time will heal all wounds. but so many tomorrows had passed and i still can't feel the pain subsiding.
when will tomorrow really come?
writing at 9:21 PM
Sunday, May 23, 2004
at the funeral i was helpin my uncle fill in a form for the funeral admin stuff, and my little 8 year old cousin Joey was curiously watchin me fill in.. she was readin the stuff like "name", "birth date" "address" aloud, until she came to "place of wake/funeral". she stopped and stared at me with a totally a shocked face and said: "ah-ma hui4 xing3 lai2 ah?! (english: she will wake up ah?!)" at this point i can't help but laugh and explain to her its a noun, not a verb. ahaha so ke ai~
later in the evenin i came home from the funeral and got flashed at by my neighbour! he jus finished his shower and stood there laughing and did the ultra man action at me. ahaha he's jus 6 years old and his name's calvin. ha then his little brother nicholas also came running out in his underwear and power-rangered me. ahaha i pretended to cover my eyes and scream while they did their ultra man and power ranger and laughed at me~ sounds perverse, but heys, in the name of childhood innocence, who cares. :P
writing at 8:23 PM
Friday, May 21, 2004
anyways so after that we scooted off to PS for our movie marathon. we caught Troy. and i like Hector! he's courageous and upright, and lives by 3 rules: honour the gods, love his wife, and defend his country. so sehhh! and i'm sorry to say this, but i think paris is a coward-cum-loser. anyways, so after that straight away we went into the cinema for Shrek 2. T'was funny, but i think the first Shrek was better. oh and today was the first time in my entire life of movie-watching history to be caught for smugglin food into the cinema. aha actually its not me, mich and cheryl's food got confiscated, and they had to redeem them back using movie ticket butts. cool.
so the next crazy thing i did today was dye my hair violet! me and shanny went over wei shyuan's house, spread newspaper around, and started dyeing! by then it was night time around 8pm liao, so while waitin for the dye to set i fell asleep. anyways, main point is, i've got violet hair~ :D
man i can't believe i did those things. and i'm gonna climb Mt K in June!
writing at 10:46 PM
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
From what my mother told me she had a bad slip in the toilet one day a long time ago, fractured her hip bone, but she refused to be operated on. She lost her ability to walk, and i think she was almost 80 years old then. She required help even for basic actions and needed a person to be there all the time to assist her, but no one in my maternal side of the family had the time to take care of her, forthwith she was sent to an old folk's home.
Although my family only sees her once a year, it always brings tears to my mother's eyes to see her grandmother on the bed. These few years she could not even recognise us anymore. I really don't know what to feel abt this, death cld be a source of freedom for her, but before that she didn't have the chance to know God...
writing at 5:49 PM
Saturday, May 08, 2004
anyways, i feel good today becus i helped somebody. i was at the empty sixth ave bus stop waiting alone for 156 after eating Venezia, and i was getting irritated and annoyed at havin to wait so long for the bus. Suddenly i saw a small little chs boy running from the distance (abt 80m away from the bus stop) cross junction towards the bus stop and at the same time i saw the bus 970 coming. at this point of time, my mind concluded that the little chs boy is runnin for the bus, but being trained in innovations and creativity, my mind also told me that the small little chs boy won't make it if nobody flags the bus. yepps so i flagged the bus for him, and had the bus uncle gimme an irritated look when i didnt board, and the small little chs boy who boarded the bus didnt even smile or say thank you. but nvms, main point is i helped somebody. and it feels gooood.
writing at 10:44 PM
anyways me and ly decided to plan sth alittle different from the past years.. to have them exchange welcome gifts. its easy to think of ideas, but the difficult part is actually gettin my sec 1 girls to do it. ahahaha but i succeeded! ystday i had them gathered, then used a very formal tone to explain to them, that this tradition (of exchanging gifts) has been around ever since vball has been established in the sch. at first their responses were like: "eeeeew! no way!". but as a trained expert in psychology, i can see that under that cover of disgust, they are actually quite excited abt it(man i hope none of my sec 1s happen to read my blog). anyways i was expectin them to do only some little cards or folded origami or those usual girlie stuff lah, but what they did totally awed me.
they actually laboriously wrapped an assortment of chocolates (sneakers, ferrero roche, etc) in a nice blue coloured cloth-paper, with a ribbon on top. and each had a name of the sec 1 chs vballer's name at the base. talk about thoughtfulness. so the chs sec 1s did stuff for them too, and i caught glimpses of coloured pens, pencil cases, cards, and the likes of it. hmmm as they said, cannot compare boys and girls like that.. well i guess its the thought that counts.
so after this newly integrated activity, it was back to whacko. good ol' whacko. some things just never change. :D
writing at 9:54 PM
Thursday, May 06, 2004
bananas of the world unite!
peel banana peel peel banana!
somewhere over the rainbow way up high..
over the hills and faraway, teletubbies come to play.
ahhhh i'm losing my sanity~
writing at 11:02 PM
Saturday, May 01, 2004
so i'm gonna make a difference this year. one fine day, i'm gonna hitch on that bike and cycle to school.
i mean, its not impossible what. west coast and bukit timah is not exactly very far apart.. i guess it'll probably take me around half an hour?
after 3 years of planning and research, this is my decided route: i'll set off from home, cycle along clementi ave 6, turn into ulu pandan road and cycle straight until i reach 6th Ave, then go down the hill and cycle out into Upper Bt Timah. And i'll be at my destination already.
So, yesss! I'm gonna make that dream a reality. I am going to overcome all obstacles, to go against all odds, and i will succeed! Soon.
writing at 10:26 PM
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