Friday, March 18, 2005
I really feel apalled sometimes for the inability to love myself like how others simply find no problem in doing so, because I really hate me (sometimes, more often than the healthy frequency).
I hate myself for not being able to do the right things at the right time; hate myself for fumbling when in fact all it takes is just a little intrepidity; hate myself for allowing what others think/say affect me and worse, to even break me; hate myself for constantly hoping for something that is long gone, which will never be again; hate myself for letting so many things to hate me for to be true.
I totally abhor the fact that I can actually allow myself to think that by burying myself into the fantasy world of fiction, reality ceases to exist. Which is so not true. Because once I close that novel, everything else crashes back.
Rahhhhhhhhhhhh.
I dont' even know where to start, but think I gotta learn to love myself.
writing at 10:55 PM