Speak

Thursday, December 30, 2004

You know it's always after mission trips that I realise how fortunate I am. In Thailand it's always an agony to go to the toilet because

1. They have no seat toilets, only squat pans. So most of the time you get leg cramps from squatting for long hours on end. Especially if you have constipation.

2. They don't have flush. So you have to do it yourself. As in use water to flush everything down. And for that it requires alot of skills 'cause you may end up splashing everything out of the bowl instead of into the bowl.

3. You cannot throw used toilet paper into the toilet squat pan. W hich means you have to transport your used toilet paper out of the cubicle into the rubbish bin outside. Which is, in my point of view, rather disgusting.

4. There are spiders, ants, lizards, and what other creepy crawlies in the toilets lurking around waiting to surprise you.

5. The toilets are always dimly lit. (Only a single lightbulb hanging and swinging. Kinda like the type you see in horror movies.)

Imagine my joy when I was back in the toilet of Changi Airport! It was so brightly lit and nice smelling, and the toilet bowl, it was so nice and invitingly clean! And I really miss the pushing the "flush" button.

Then there's the heater problem. The weather in Thailand is like Genting/Cameron Highlands all day, and when night comes, it's like winter! And the village we stayed in, I guess heaters are not the in things because I never saw one. And everyday, showering is a total torture because all we have is freezing cold water. So everyday during showertime I think our screams when we splash cold water on ourselves could be heard half a mile away. Some more the water supply can just suddenly cut off in the middle of no time, and we have to wait in the buff in freezing cold teamperature with soap and suds all over for the water to come back. Pure torture I tell you.

I should think after a whole week in Chiang Mai I would have gotten used to the ice-cold water shower, but no leh, after so many days, I'm still shrilling everytime I bathe. And guess what's the first thing I did when I came back home to Singapore? I took a nice hot shower with a fully functional heater.

I never knew how blessed I am to just have a flushable toilet bowl and a heater until I went to Nongwai village.

You know there's a saying: you never learn to cherish until you lose it.

How true.

writing at 11:16 PM

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Here are some excerpts from the journal I kept during the 10 days I spent in Chiang Mai:

18th December, Saturday
The previous 2 days were spent in a mad rush. We had to replan all our lessons within a tight schedule because we underestimated the english standard of the Thai youths. All the materials, worksheets, and games we prepared for them weren't suitable because they were more suited for primary 1 kids. But thankfully God was really helping us because the ideas just kept coming to us from everywhere - the missions team, the pastor, and our Brother Tom and Sister Am (our Thai hosts and caretakers of Narada). It was like a miracle! God truly is gracious and faithful to us. :)

On one hand I wanted the English Camp to be over as soon as possible because me and Wen Hui (we're overall in charge) were getting so stressed over having to oversee and plan everything and make sure everyone enjoy themselves while learning; on the other hand, I didn't want it to end because I don't want to say goodbye to the new Thai friends I made in Chiang Mai. I had so much fun with them! And we all had good laughs together even though there were language/cultural differences. Thai people are really nice and gentle, and fun-loving too! I played volleyball with some of the youths, and they are gooood! We exchanged emails before leaving, and it was really quite sad to say goodbye after all the good times we had together. I hope we still keep in touch after we leave Thailand.

19th December, Sunday
Today we left Chiang Mai city for Nong Wai village, where Narada Home (an orphanage supported by my church) is situated. Other than the 3 nights we'll be spending in the villager's homes, Narada will be where we're staying for the rest of the trip. It was just as I have remembered it when I came here last year - nothing has changed. It's so much different from Singapore, where you can be gone for only a few weeks, and come back to realise everything is different.

So after unpacking in Narada, the missions team split into pairs to head for our respective homes of the villagers to spend the night. Me and Vanessa went to Pupe's (pu-peh) house in the evening. Pupe is a 16 year old girl who came for the English Camp. At first I was quite apprehensive about it because I thought she was rather distant and hard to get close to, but I realised she was otherwise. All through dinner, we had good laughs over what she was trying to tell us, and surprisingly language wasn't a barrier!

One thing about staying in the villager's house is I donno whether what I'm doing will be offending them or not. In the crash course on Thai culture we had before we left for this trip, we were told pointing the soles of our feet at any persons is extremely rude and disrespectful. And in Pupe's house (as with any other house in the village), the people don't eat on tables (they don't have much furniture like chairs of sofas too), they eat on the floor. So I can't sit cross legged, I had to fold my legs neatly by the side and make sure they weren't pointing at anyone. It was okay for the first few minutes, but try sitting like that for the whole night, it gets extremely difficult, and you find you lose sensation of your legs as they go numb.

S'why I was very happy when it's finally time for bed. Not that the beds were inviting either. It was just a mattress and a blanket with a comforter. And the night was so cold! It was just 10+ degrees I think. And the cold really seeps to ur fingers and toes, those bone-chilling type of cold. It was like sleeping in the freezer lor.

21st December, Tuesday
So for the past 2 days, we've been toiling like mad levelling the ground and laying bricks for the backyard of Narada. And I never knew it was such back-breaking work fitting in the tiles and making sure they are nicely in line (kinda like tessallations). And each brick has to be painfully lifted and put in place manually by hand. And they were close to 2 kg each lah, not to mention how rough they are too. For hands that never knew hard labour, mine were blistered and sore each night. And it's not just a few hours, but 2 full days of squatting on sand and repetitively and monotonously fitting bricks, I tell you, its worse than the toughest of PT. I promise when I go back to S'pore, I will never again look at tiled roads and pavements the same way again. Nor will I take the ground I step on for granted again.

Today I played volleyball with the village youths, Khem and Bai Fern, in the field. Their net is C Div height only, and though we had no proper court (there was sand and dirt everywhere) we still had alot of fun! Volleyball is like computers in Singapore, everyone knows how to play it! It was so cool because the children here just come out and play everyday after school. I only remember being stuck at home with piles of homework to do during school terms.

Oh before I went to play vball with my Thai friends, I visited the Thai family I stayed with last year in the same village. It was so nice to see Mae La and Tom again! (Mae = mother in Thai, and La is her name, so in short, its translated as Mother La). I sawatdee-kahed to her, and sputtered whatever limited vocab of Thai words I knew to her, and when we took a photo together, she was holding on to me to tightly!

This gesture of closeness really moved me because it shows attachment. And I hope, like what the Thai pastor is trying to achieve, that the door to the villagers will be opened for God to enter their lives. (:

22nd December, Wednesday
Today was the day everyone was anticipating... shopping! I bought so much stuff (presents for everybody) I don't know how I'm gonna fit everything into my luggage. We shopped from 10am-11pm, from the Baan Kawai day market, to shopping centres, to the night bazaar. And I realise bargaining in Thai is so much fun! And especially if you successfully slashed the price by half (in Thai some more), the sense of achievement is incredible! :D

You know the food here is mouth-wateringly delicious and spicy, the stuff they sell are cheap, the people are nice, and the weather is cool, I tell you I don't mind moving to Thailand to stay a few years!

24th December, Friday (Christmas Eve)
For the past 2 days we've been organising Christmas programs at Gil Lae Luang Primary School(yesterday) and Nam Bor Luang Secondary School (today) in the village. There were songs and games, and most importantly, the skit of the Birth of Jesus Christ. And my role in the skit is... (drum roll)... as a cow in the manger! It sounds like a muted and unimportant role, but let me assure you its actually quite exciting! Its a simple role actually, I just crawl out on all fours and "moo" a little, and that's enough to evoke laughter from the audience. :D But, its not that fun when you have to do it 6 times in a day. At NBL Secondary because we had 6 sessions, we had to do the Christmas program 6 times over. And I can tell you crawling around and mooing for the whole day is quite tedious. But I thank God that He has given us enough strength to get through this day, and for providing us with the creativity to organise the games and songs. :)

All in all, I really do hope that what we performed for the students at the schools will give them a better understanding of what Christmas is really about, and maybe one day they will want to find out more about this wonderful person called Jesus Christ, and accept Him as their personal Saviour and Lord. :D

25th December, Saturday (Christmas Day)
Today is Christmas day, and it didn't really feel like Christmas. We spent the whole of today decorating Narada and preparing for tonight's party that we're organising for the villagers in Nong Wai village. Jo and Jeaw came to spend time with us today, and I thank God that our friendship with the village youths are growing everyday. But that'll just make farewell all the more difficult.

Anyways, so silently the day ended, and the Christmas party began. Although we didn't really plan in detail for the party, it still went on smoothly and everyone had fun, including all the villagers! :D This I have to thank God because we were all worrying whether the villagers will feel left out and bored, but apparently not! I'm so glad everyone had a good time! And after the party, the usual Thai culture was for everyone to leave, but the villagers stayed on to talk to us. I thank God once again for giving us so many oppurtunities to build relationships with the youths and villagers. And it is really my prayer that the mission trip doesn't end tomorrow when we go back to Singapore, but these forged relationships will continue to live on, and be the key to opening the door to God for the villagers. :)

26th December, Sunday
Today marks the end of this youth mission trip to Thailand for us. I woke up with a headache and blocknose (as I have been the past 9 days). I spent the whole of the previous night making cards for the 4 girls of Narada Home - Flucky, Laila, Mai and Yupa. And though tiring, when I gave the cards to them today, the beaming smile on their faces made every single minute of my fighting to stay awake last night worth it. :D

When we came back to Narada after going to Nam Bor Sam Church, Pupe was waiting to send us off. And I have never seen her so sad. She was so different from her usual noisy, bubbly and cheerful self. I gave her a hug, and seeing her so sad and quiet, it made me really sad too... Brother Tom (not the Tom I stayed with last year) said she had some family problems, and that's why she couldn't come for last night's party too. I felt really sad and helpless because I really want to help her, but there's nothing I could really do to make her feel better. I want to just share God's love with her and let her know everything will be alright if she trust in God, but I don't know how. I guess, like what Brother Tom said, the best thing I can do for her is to pray for her. I will.

Tom (the Tom I stayed with last year), Jo and Bai Fern came to send us off at the airport. It was so nice of them, and Tom rushed from his exams specially for us. Pupe and Jeaw couldn't come because they went to a volleyball competition in the city. But Bai Fern said Pupe didn't wanna come because she know she'll cry. I hate farewells. It's so easy to make friends, but so hard to say goodbye.

So we left for the terminal. There were no teary goodbyes, but there were well wishes, and promises to write back to each other.

Even now as I sit in the airplane heading back to Singapore, I guess I've left a part of me back in Nong Wai village in Chiang Mai, because otherwise how do I explain this emptiness I feel inside? This year's trip is different from last year's because it holds so much more meaning for me. It was twice the length of last year's stay, and I guess the relationships, friendships, kinships formed are double the depth too.

We have done our part in the village by doing our best to reflect God's love to the villagers, and I hope the bonds formed is a sign that the seeds are planted, and have fallen on good soil. And I believe God will continue to do great works in Nong Wai, even as He showed us that miracles were possible the past 10 days when He helped and guided us, and gave us strength to last till today. And I believe Sister Am's vision of a church being planted will become reality one day.

It is written, believing without seeing is faith.

I have faith.

writing at 10:31 PM

Monday, December 27, 2004

After 10 days in Thailand, I'm back! And no, Chiang Mai wasn't affected by the earthquake calamity. God was (and still is) watching over us, and we had a safe journey back and touched down in Singapore late last night.

You know after 3 times of going for overseas missions trip without people sending me off/picking me up, I should think I've gotten used to being independent. But last night when we walked out of the glass gates of Terminal 2, when I saw the family members of my fellow mission trippers of my family waiting for them, I couldn't help but feel very sad. I didn't have to look for my parents because I know they won't be here (my mom's in Cambodia, my dad will be at home), but I looked anyway. I didn't see my parents, but I saw mothers hugging daughters, fathers patting their son's back, sisters embracing... I had to keep looking down at the floor because I don't wanna think too much about it lest I start tearing or something.

Probably, like Evan said, its a family tradition not to send members off for short term overseas trip. At least, I hope so.

Anyways, I will be writing more about my adventures of this trip soon, but not today. Maybe because of the extreme weather change in transition from Chiang Mai to Singapore, (Chiang Mai is freezing cold at 16+ degrees, especially in the village), I have occasional headaches, and I feel as if I'm 80 years old - my body is always tired and aching somewhere.

I hope I get better soon because there's a full day of training ahead tomorrow and this was the first piece of news I got from Cheryl the moment I came back home.

So exciting.

writing at 10:25 PM

Thursday, December 16, 2004

I feel terrible.

I woke up this morning without an appetite (which means something is very wrong because I always enjoy breakfast). My hands and feet were cold even though I had on a woollen pullover. And for the whole of today, my stomach felt as though it was contracting all the time, kinda like spasms and cramps. Everything I eat tastes like plain white porridge, and after I eat I feel nauseous (like all the food is stuck at the back of my throat). I feel dizzy and tired and weak when I walk, and my lips were dry all the time.

I am a little worried because I feel a sickness coming. And I have a flight tomorrow at 8am to catch to Thailand. Which means I have to be there at the airport at 6am. Which is insane. (considering the distance from West Coast to Changi)

But I know I won't fall gravely ill because God will give me strength and He will sustain me.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31

Such a wonderful promise.

So the JC postings will be out tomorrow. And I don't think I'll get to know it since my flight is at 8am, and it's coming out at a later time. Surprisingly I'm not too anxious about it, because I know God has my future in His hands, and whichever JC I'm posted to, its exactly where God wants me to be. (:

writing at 11:55 PM

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

I fell asleep standing up in the MRT train yesterday.

writing at 9:32 PM

Monday, December 13, 2004

I'm going for Michk's church youth camp tomorrow. Which will end on Thursday. And I don't think I've fully recovered from sleep deprivation from my previous youth camp yet. Actually I should have nothing to worry about, because I can take it (I know I can), save for the fact that I'm leaving for Thailand on Friday morning. And I should have nothing to worry about if this trip to Thailand is for travel, but it's not.

First of all, the trip to Thailand is with my church's youth group, and part of the objective of the trip is to establish relationships with the youths in Nongwai Village in Chiang Mai and teach them basic English, because they're coming over next year to Singapore (sorta like an attachment programme thing my church has organised). So me and Wen Hui are in charge of the English Camp, and we're supposed to plan interactive lessons incorporated with games and singing, and we haven't really gotten down to business yet, and we have, from right now, approximately 4 days left. And out of the 4 days I'll be at camp for 3 days. Which leaves me 1 day to finalise everything. Which explains why I'm still online at this unearthly hour.

And I haven't packed for tomorrow's youth camp. And I haven't bought supplies for the Thailand trip.

And I don't know why I can sound so calm when I should be freaking out and hyperventilating right now.

I think I need to attend some time management courses because I'm really lousy when it comes to planning my time.

But then again, I don't think I will have the time to attend those courses either.

Bahhh.

writing at 1:43 AM

Saturday, December 11, 2004

I just came back from my church's youth camp. For the past 5 days, I think I slept a total of less than 8 hours, shuttling between trainings and camp, late night activities and chit-chats. I hate to admit it, but I think I look like a panda now. :( Which is not very good because dark eye rings take forever to go away, but they can suddenly darken by shades just overnight.

Initially I was having second thoughts about going for the camp, but I'm glad I went for it anyways. I thought it was gonna be one boring youth camp (since it was held in church), but it took me by surprise. You know I actually have a phobia about being group leader 'cause the groups I led always came in last for the past 2 consecutive years. But, I guess God was thinking the opposite. This year, my group's name was Amos, I convinced Annabel as my co-leader, and I must say that we rock! We came in tops for all the combined games with a jaw-dropping lead of 50 points, 2nd for Talent Night, so that makes us overall champs! And I guess success was all the more sweeter after the past 2 years of failure. :)

For this camp I was in charge of planning the Prayer Hike held on Tuesday night, which is one biggg activity requiring alot of planning. I was quite slow and inefficient on the detailed planning part because I was too caught up with chalets and trainings, which is not very good. But God is gracious and kind, and without His help, I don't think the Prayer Hike would have turned out okay. (FYI: Prayer Hike is renamed from Prayer Walk, which is an activity where people walk around an area to landmarks to pray for specific things which are relevant to the respective location)

Before the camp, I was having mental blockages, and I couldn't think of how to link prayers to the locations I've chosen. I asked God for inspirations, and I have to say, God really helped me because suddenly this story scene from The Alchemist, which I just recently read (refer to previous post), just bounced into my head, and the idea fully fit into the location and reason for prayer. Praise God!

So the night finally came, and I really want to thank Timothy for helping me out as Station Master. He did a really fantastic job! Due to lack of adults, I had to be a Station Master too, and I was at this ulu little playground at Jalan Mas Puteh (even the name itself sounds ulu). I thought I was gonna be quite lonely in between waiting for the arrival of the groups, and maybe daunted by the dark and shadows, but instead of feeling loneliness and fear, it was a soothing peace that came to me. It gave me time alone to think and reflect on my life, what I'm living for, my spiritual walk with Jesus, my future, among other things. The quietness, instead of being nauseatingly scary, was actually very soothingly serene, and most importantly, it gave me time to just really slow down, and a chance to talk to God. Which I did. It was, all in all, a very fulfilling and enjoyable night, and I thank God for giving me the sense of peace, and a chance to just simply come to Him as a child and tell Him all my problems and worries. God is indeed good.

The best part about this camp was making new friends. It was really great getting to know more brothers and sisters in Christ, and discovering that we're all one big family of God running together after the same goal. And it was amazing just watching how God has worked and is still working in their lives, as He did in mine. :)

So, as the tradition goes, everybody spent the last night awake, including me. I sat around at the rooftop catching up with friends, and chatting about stuff. And soon it was day-break. I had a hard time deciding whether I should go for training, but I decided to go ahead anyways. So I ran home, got my stuff, and with zero hours of sleep the previous night, I headed to SPANS for training. It was supposed to start at 8, but I arrived to find no one, so I decided to take a little nap on the bench. Probably God knows I'm really tired, so miraculously, I had an hour plus of sleep because everyone came late at 9 plus (for whatever reasons I'm still unclear). Amazingly, I could still play properly. God is really really good!

The past 5 days was hectic and fulfilling, not to mention tiring, but I've seen more of God at work than the past year, and God has reassuredly shown me that He is always in control, and He does take care of us. I really thank God that He brought me into His loving care, and I sincerely hope that everyone can be brought into this wonderful family of His! :)

writing at 11:47 PM

Sunday, December 05, 2004

I just finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. And I have to say its a very inspiring book. It taught me the importance of having a dream, and not being afraid of realising it.

Most importantly, it taught me that love should push you to greater heights, not stop you in your tracks.

This just reminds me of how powerful love is, and greatest gift of all - love from God. Here are some beautiful verses I want to share with you all.

This is one of the first verses I knew when I first became a Christian:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

This is one of my favourite verses, and it really touches me.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, ir keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

No human being can ever be what love is, but one Man has done it. Christ encompasses the wholesome unit of love, and His is the greatest love story ever told. (:

writing at 9:17 PM

Saturday, December 04, 2004

First of all, I'd like to apologise you guys about the chalet. It wasn't meant to be like that. Sorry it wasn't as fun as it should be.

Anyways so the barbeque was on the first night. I said a little prayer to God for clear skies the previous night, and I was quite disappointed when it poured in the late afternoon. But God hears and answers prayers, and it stopped raining by early evening.

The caterer was supposed to come at 6pm, but by 6.30pm, he was still MIA, and I was getting frantic. Peixian was there with me and she kept telling me not to worry, the caterer will come, and I was wondering where she got her calm from. So I was sitting at the lobby, and asking God to take care of everything, suddenly a truck just came tooting in. And in biggggg letters it said "Got a barbeque? We'll take care of it!". It was like a miracle! God does hear prayers~

The bbq was a flop lah, got not enough food, and we realised we don't have cups and drinks (due to a miscommunication). So me and Jing went on a mission to get the stuff from 7-eleven which is super super far down. We were running running along the dark stretch of road, then suddenly we heard a vehicle and saw headlights from behind us. By impulse I just stuck out my hand and flagged the vehicle down (hoping to hitch a ride). When the pick-up lorry came near enough I immediately regretted my action. I saw 2 Bangladeshi construction workers in the front seat, and I almost wanted to just run and hide, but I swallowed and braved it, and asked them if they could give us a ride to 7-eleven. They said okay, so me and Jing hopped on at the back. We were scared silly lah! A thousand thoughts were running through our minds, and seriously, there's a lot of things that 2 male strangers can do to 2 young innocent little girls (referring to me and Jing). So we were squatting at the back of the truck trying to console each other, and before Jing was asking me to say a prayer, I was already asking God to take care of us. Thankfully, they dropped us off at 7-eleven safely. Nothing else. Thank God!

We grabbed the neccessary stuff at 7-eleven, and while waiting for the sentosa beach bus, we hitched another ride back. This time it was a tanned Chinese guy in his 20s I guess, and according to Jing he looks quite cute (if you trust her taste). And before he left Jing actually shouted goodnight to him (which is not a surprise to me considering the rubbish things she does all the time :P).

So ended our little adventure for the night. And it was back to bbq. It was actually quite fun lah, because I had an exciting time with Jiayan at the pit penging all the foodstuff for everyone. And there was a tremendous sense of achievement when our charcoal was burning red hot while the guys were still trying to save theirs (haha). And unknowing people thought we were very hardworking cooking for them and didn't eat much, but actually we koped all the nicestly peng-ed bbq food for ourselves.

It ended quite late, and by then I was caked in a layer of oil and smoke debris. It felt disgusting.

Anyways, so I reflected about the day when I was lying in bed, and I really do thank God that the bbq turned out okay although it wasn't exactly okay (if you get what I mean), and previously I was worried about serious insufficiency of food, and somehow we had enough because my juniors decided to leave early (coincidence? I don't think so), and for taking care of me and Jing.

Thank You for everything.

writing at 1:29 PM